Red “He was given daily doses of LSD for eleven years”

Red: PG-13, Directed by Robert Schwentke, starring Bruce Willis, Mary-Louise Parker, Karl Urban,  John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, and featuring Richard Dreyfuss, and Ernest Borgnine… I know.

Red is an espionage, action/comedy loosely based on the DC comic of the same name. The title, Red, stands for: Retired, Extremely Dangerous. The film is directed by German director Robert Schwentke so it has the feel of a lot of European action films, but with the comedic sensibility of an American film.

So first on this long list is Bruce Willis. I’ve never been huge into Bruce Willis¸ nor have I ever shied away from his movies, but I actually was very pleased with his performance in Red. He played your kind of classic action hero, just after he’s been out of the game for some years, but hasn’t missed a step. You could really tell this role came naturally to Willis.

Next is Mary-Louise Parker who’s probably best known for her work in Fried Green Tomatoes, Boys on the Side, and as the main character in the HBO series Weeds. I have not seen any of those, but I did really like Parker in this movie. She was the love interest for Willis and the only main character who wasn’t mixed up in any kind of espionage so, as the audience member, you identified with her above the other characters and she really kept the film grounded. I think that without her all of the action and adventure would be too overwhelming and not nearly as believable.

Karl Urban, probably best known for the role of Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy in the recent Star Trek remake, and as Éomer in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, plays, what I think is, my favorite character in the whole film. Urban plays the CIA Agent in charge of killing Willis’s character. When their two characters meet, it’s the best of both generations. He’s Willis’s only real match in the film and even though he’s a villain, he really has this way of making you root for him.

Yeah, you know, John Malkovich, he’s just awesome. This is by far the funniest part I’ve ever seen him play. He’s this horribly paranoid man who lives underground and is always in and out of various forms of camouflage and carrying a gun, and making outrageous claims. At one point Willis’s character says that for 11 years he was given daily doses of LSD, but he’s still an excellent agent and quickly became a major asset to the team. I’d love to see Malkovich in more laugh-out-loud comedic roles.

This movie just got more and more fun, and who’s more fun to watch than Morgan Freeman? Freeman was his usual self in Red, but hey, who’s complaining? He’s got such a natural and real flow to his acting style, you just can help, but love whatever character he plays whether it’s the character itself or his performance.

So lastly in the main cast is Helen Mirren…I don’t know if I can handle witnessing all of this talent. Mirren plays a bit of a different character in this film as compared from her other films…And that was a bit of an understatement. I never thought I’d say that Helen Mirren can kick butt, and kick butt well. Out of almost the whole cast she looked particularly comfortable holding a gun; like she had been doing it for years and I know that to be very untrue. Mirren put on a very entertaining performance and she really was the perfect touch to set this movie over the top.

…But wait, there’s more…

Richard Dreyfuss role, however small, was quite entertaining. It would’ve been enough just to see him, but as the story went on he meant more and more to the plot. Dreyfuss is one of those actors who you never get tired of watching.

And last, but never least is ninety-three-year old cinema legend Ernest Borgnine. Yes, Ernest Borgnine and yes, ninety-three. Even at his age, he has not lost a beat; he’s still all there in all of his classically hilarious glory. It was just an awesome treat to see him still kicking and kicking strong.

So, if you couldn’t already tell, I loved this movie. It had the best of both action flicks and comedies. The cast was just unbeatable and outrageously fun. And being directed by a German filmmaker, you got a little bit of grit and camp of European action films, but from the perspective of the average American. The fight scenes were the most creative and exciting out of most recent action movies. I think this movie is perfect for anyone who loves a wild ride, and an exciting movie. This one is a must-see.



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Life as We Know It “Messer has a Widow’s peak!”

Sorry, it’s a little late…

Life as We Know It: PG-13: Directed by Greg Berlanti, Starring Katherine Heigl, Josh Duhamel, and Josh Lucas

Life as We Know It has a bit of a complicated story; difficult to explain, but easy to understand once you do. The film is about a young man and a young woman who know each other through their friends who are married. The two of them do not get along, not in the least, but they tolerate one another for their friends and their new god daughter, Sophie. Shortly after her first birthday, Sophie’s parents are killed in a car accident, and the two main characters are left with custody. So now these two are forced together by this strange turn of fate…and hilarity ensues.

Katherine Heigl is probably best known for her work on Grey’s Anatomy, Knocked Up, etc. I’ve been a fan of Heigl’s since I saw her in 27 Dresses. I think she’s very cute and funny, and is one of those actresses who can play any age. She keeps to her usual type-of character in Life as We Know It, but it always works for her so it was just as fun to watch.  I think you’ll like her in this movie, if you like her in other movies. She’s the dream girl, she’s the girl with some baggage; she’s just fun, classic Katherine Heigl.

So personally, I know Josh Duhamel from the Transformers franchise and from this summer’s Ramona and Beezus. (Yes, I saw it), but other than that, I haven’t seen many of his other movies, but I have been meaning to get around to it because I actually like what I have seen. This movie shows a very fun and sloppy side to Duhamel; he’s very easy-going and laid-back, and just the opposite of Heigl’s character, but it’s a romantic comedy, so what do you expect? I think again, if you like him in his other movies, you’ll like him here. He’s very funny, very sensitive and can play a real guy better than most actor in these kinds of movies

Lastly is Josh Lucas. Josh Lucas is best known for his work on Glory Road, Sweet Home Alabama and A Beautiful Mind, I think he’s a very underrated, and talented actor. He’s the kind of actor who could fit into any kind of movie very well. In this he plays the “competition” for Duhamel’s character. There’s not a lot to his character because he’s just supposed to play a presence, something else that gets in the way of…well, Life as We Know It, but I think he does that so well. I like that his character was very nice and intelligent, but not impossibly so. He’s just a regular guy, and he’s a valuable asset to the movie.

This film was actually pretty charming and funny. It didn’t tug at my heart strings as much as I expected. Things got pretty sad, but it didn’t stay sad enough long enough to make you cry. Normally, I consider crying during a movie a good thing, if it can make you feel that strongly for the situation and the characters then the movie has done its job. Although this film didn’t give you time to cry, I think that that, in of itself, served a purpose. They had this responsibility thrust upon them, so they really didn’t have any time to mourn their friends, and you got that impression. I think out of all of the sappy, romantic comedies that deal with something really deep and tragic, this one is among the best. It was very well made and extremely well performed. It dealt with the subject with enough caution, enough humor and enough sadness, to make a very well-balanced movie. I can’t say you’ll be entirely surprised as the film progresses; it’s a ted predictable, but in this case, it’s not really the story as a whole you go for, it’s the way it plays out. I recommend this film to anyone who likes a happy ending, and who likes a movie with a little bit of everything we love about romantic comedies.


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The Social Network “When you post something on the internet, it’s not written in pencil mark, it’s written permanent ink.”

The Social Network: PG-13, Directed by David Fincher, written by Aaron Sorkin, based on the book Accidental Billionaires by Ben Mezrich, Staring Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Justin Timberlake, Armie Hammer.

The social network is the story about the inception and the development of the popular social networking website,, and the fame, fortune, and the two multimillion dollar-lawsuits that followed.  This movie, although, stated by the real-life ZuckerBerg to be heavily dramatized, is said to be a pretty accurate depiction of what went on in the early years of Facebook.

Jesse Eisenberg is probably best known for his roles in such films as the Squid and the Whale, Adventureland, and Zombieland. He usually plays kind of gawky, socially awkward and/or sensitive guys, In the Social Network, however awkward and nerdy, he breaks away from his usual kind of character, and plays someone pretty insensitive and very naïve. I mean, he became a billionaire at the age of 23. Eisenberg’s performance was awesome! He was so perfectly awkward, that it just seemed like he wasn’t acting. It’s the kind of thing where you have a hard time believing that someone could fake that kind of awkwardness. You look at him and immediately try to search through your mind for who he reminds you of. Everyone knows someone like Eisenberg’s portrayal of Mark Zuckerberg, he is an excellent performer.

Andrew Garfield, probably best known for Lions for Lambs, Boy A, and The Imagninarium of Doctor Parnassus, has, what I think was the biggest stretch out of the whole cast. Garfield was born in L.A. and raised in England. He’s playing Eduardo Saverin, a man who was born in Brazil, but moved to Miami as a child. He does an amazing job, easily my favorite character in the whole movie. He was one of Zuckerberg’s best friends and a co-founder of Facebook. After a while things start to get a little uncomfortable for Saverin; some major decisions are made without him, some money is passed around behind his back, and he is eventually left by the wayside and ends up suing his best friend. Garfield does a dynamite job of playing a victim who will not stand idly by and let something happen. You feel sorry for him one minute, but then you want to stand behind him. I can’t wait to see Garfield in more movies. *He’s signed on to play Spiderman in an up-coming reboot of the franchise*

Justin Timberlake is, I guess, a well known pop-singer-turned-actor or something… I’ve always found him to be pretty funny, nothing entirely special, but always entertaining both on screen and with his music. I really wasn’t sure if he would have it in him to fit in with a dramatic movie like the Social Network, but I was pleasantly surprised, he put on an amazing performance like nothing I never thought to see from him. I am very impressed. Timberlake plays Sean Parker, co-founder of Napster, the file-sharing service. He finds Mark Zuckerberg and convinces him to take the next steps in the development of Facebook. He just seemed like such a cool guy, but deep down he had something to hide. Timberlake nailed this performance. You’ll see his character coming a mile away, but you won’t expect this level of performance from Timberlake.

So Armie Hammer hasn’t really been in anything I’ve known of besides maybe a few cameos here and there, but after the Social Network, I could get used to seeing him around; and I hope I do. Armie played Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss, a set of identical twin brothers, and Olympic rowers, who sue Zuckerberg for allegedly stealing their idea, and Hammer was awesome. Usually when you see one actor playing a set of twins, the twins sort of become one character. They are meant to look exactly the same and act the same and sound the same, but this is not the way Armie Hammer plays twins. Each one was his own personality his own character, I really couldn’t decide if it was two guys or one guy until the end credits. I think this is the kind of performance that should really set off someone’s career.

So this film is based on a true story; the story of how Facebook came to be. It’s a fascinating story of what can come of a simple idea. It’s the kind of story that seems almost unbelievable. This alone was great about the movie, but what really set this movie apart was the way it was shot and the way the sound was mixed. The movie had this very dark and cold shade over it; even in broad daylight, in California, it looked unseasonably cold. It made for a really hostile impatient feeling. Also the score was haunting and understated, even when it was turned all the way up. There is one scene in particular where Mark Zuckerberg is talking to Sean Parker about his idea, in the middle of a club scene where the music is loud (in the theater it was almost as loud as it would be in the club) and the two characters are yelling their discussion over top of it. You could just barely hear them over the music. It really made you listen and it really made you feel the significance of the conversation. It was just brilliant film making.

I strongly suggest that anyone go see this movie if they want to see an incredible story told in an incredible way, a big budget movie with a real indie kind of feel to it, or if you’re a user of Facebook, I really think it’ll make you appreciate the site a lot more.


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Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole “When you’ve flown as far as you can, you’re halfway there! “

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole:  PG, based on the Guardians of Ga’Hoole book series by Kathryn Lasky, directed by Zack Snyder, and featuring the voices of Jim Sturgess, Hugo Weaving, David Wenhem, Emily Barclay, Sam Neil, Helen Mirren, and Geoffrey Rush.

So I’m going to start off with the stuff don’t quite know what to say about this movie, just for the purpose of ease. This movie is rated PG, and is marketed as a children’s movie. However, I think that PG is rather lenient; if this movie was any more violent, or any darker, it would’ve been bumped right to PG-13. If you saw the where the Wild Things Are film, you’ll know what I mean. I was very kid friendly with the language, with the humor, but I think it dealt with a few concepts that kids might not A. understand, or B. be ready to discuss. Like the subject of war; the movie depicts the subject of war as valiant and patriotic, but also as a form of hell. And although true and important to know, it’s a really dark think to tell a child. Also characters were being killed in this movie, by other characters. It was a little bit of a punch in the gut. There was no death in the movie that you didn’t feel something deep for which, is the way it should be, I guess, but this segment is more just to forewarn you that there is some very dark subject matter and you should only take your kids to see it, if you think they will be able to understand it.

I absolutely love Zack Snyder. To me he can almost do no wrong. His movies like Dawn of the Dead (2004), 300, and Watchmen, are all visually mind blowing. His style of directing is very dynamic and stylized and he never ceases to create amazing symbolism in his visuals both implied and expressed. Now this seemed like kind of a stretch for Snyder, it’s only his fourth film and so far he’s done nothing, but gritty, real, action-sci-fi/fantasy-type movies. It seemed like this film (an animated children’s movie) would be out of his element, but after watching it, I was wondering why I thought that. This just proves to me that Snyder can and should do anything. He’s a true visionary; I absolutely love his style and this movie is a beautiful showcase of that style.

So reviewing my first animated movie is kind of a confusing task. Normally, I talk about what a lot of people go to the movies; the actors, the directors, and that sort of thing, because the story and the actors are usually the main feature. In an animated movie, yes, the voices carry a lot of the story, but the actors in an animated movie are a combination of the voice actors, and the animators. So in a way the performance you talk about is more so the character itself.

So the voice cast in this movie was incredible. I’ve always been into voice acting; I think it’s such an unsung art and a very interesting field of profession. Now most, if not all, of the voice actors in this movie are primarily regular film actors, but I find this to be a pretty solid transition in most cases. In the case of Legend of the Guardians, it was just the way voice acting should be. You could recognize the voices, but they were understated enough so that you didn’t get sidetracked, trying to figure out who it was. The voices were familiar so you felt at ease, but the characters were new and confusing, so you had something to chew on. I think that if I felt like the voiced really embodied the characters, I would talk about them individually, but in this film, although the characters were great, and the voice cast exceptional, I really didn’t feel like only this cast could’ve done this movie, the cast did not define the characters, nor did they define the story.

This movie was probably one of the most visually stunning CG movies I’ve ever seen. The character design was outstanding, the settings and landscapes were absolutely gorgeous. It was so much to look at, but never overwhelmingly so. The visuals alone had me sitting back in my seat, just trying to drink it all in. It was a real treat, and although I saw it in 3D, the 3D didn’t get in the way as much as it usually does, it still didn’t add anything to it though. Also whoever designed sound for this film really knew what they were doing because you were encompassed by the richness of the world they tried to create. Because of how they designed what you could see and hear, your body kind of felt like it was filling in the rest, and it made for an excellent viewing experience. And how can you expect anything else when you’re going to see a Zack Snyder movie.

I would recommend this movie to anyone who likes to be blown away by visuals and likes a fun, and epic tale. This movie has got it all when it comes to animated features and I strongly suggest anyone who like a bit of adventure.

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Easy A “The only thing worse than Chlamydia is Florida.”

Easy A: Rated PG-13, Directed by Will Gluck, staring Emma Stone, Amanda Bynes, Aly Michalka, Penn Badgley, featuring Thomas Haden Church, Patricia Clarkson, Stanley Tucci, Lisa Kudrow, and Malcolm McDowell

Emma Stone is perfect. Not just in this movie, just in general. If you read ever reads this, Miss Stone (which I doubt you will), I openly and publically propose to you. I don’t have a ring or anything, but the invitation’s there. She was very charming and adorable in this movie. She plays Olive, the kind of girl who goes unnoticed by the rest of her high school. But a false rumor makes her the topic of conversation and the girl every guy wants. After pretending to sleep with one or two more guys to up their cool, she’s labeled a “Super Slut.” Enjoying the attention, she then decides to embrace it by embroidering a Red letter “A” on all of her new, tight-fitting slutty clothes replicating “The Scarlett Letter .“ Her character was very smart and had a really sophisticated sense of humor and Stone really nailed it. The only problem I have is I don’t understand why she was not already the apple of everyone’s eye, but for the purpose of the story I suspended my disbelief. In all seriousness though, it’s awesome to see her in a lead role that’s so fun to watch. I’ve always been a big fan of Stone’s and needless to say she made the movie for me. I couldn’t see anyone else in this role. Very “girl next door”, very funny and very her.

So you may know Amanda Bynes from The Amanda Show, or the show What I like about You, or from the film Hairspray. Wherever you see her, she’s always nice to see. You may have heard recently that she decided to retire from acting at age 25, this was disappointing to me, but about a month later, she pulled a Brett Favre and decided to return to acting. So ignoring that, I’m actually a big Amanda Bynes fan. I think she is very funny, and she’s not afraid of looking silly; a real Lucille Ball type. In this film, she plays just about the closest thing to a villain. She’s the leader of the Christianity club who spreads the rumor about Olive and continues to try and make her life miserable while at the same time trying to drag her into her Christian group. She was very stuck up and just a smidge over the top, but in a very good way. I really enjoyed her performance and I think you guys will too, if you like Bynes.

You might know Aly Michalka from the Disney Channel show Phil of the Future or maybe as half of the sister pop duo Aly and AJ. However you know her, I think it’s for her performance in Easy A that you’ll remember her. She plays Olive’s best friend who, just like Olive, want to be noticed. And she’ll take any kind of attention she can get.  Even though this was not her first film or her first big role, I still found it to be very break-through for her.  It shows what more she’s capable of and brought her out from the roles she normally plays. I really hope to see more of her.

So I remember Penn Badgley from the film John Tucker Must Die, most teenage girls will probably recognize him from the inexplicably popular show Gossip Girl. Anyway, like a few of his other film roles, he plays the “guy next door” He’s just the guy who is always around and you just know he’s the guy the whole time. His part becomes pretty obvious about halfway through. And this was nothing new out of him, from what I know, but he played his part well and he served his purpose in the movie better than most could. He was the typical dream guy who you end up really liking in the end.

Now, I’d like to touch on the adults in this movie. Most of the adults (minus a hilarious principle played by Malcolm McDowell and a tragic guidance councilor played by Lisa Kudrow) Played sort of one character. They all knew who Olive really was and tried their best to lead her in the right direction. Thomas Haden Church played everyone’s favorite English teacher and a good friend to Olive. Olive’s Parents (Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci) were not hard on their daughter because they knew when her head was in the right place. They let her be herself and they were very open with her about certain topics as well as just very funny. I think that the adults in this movie were the audience’s mouths. The things you want to say to the characters are the things the adults discuss with Olive throughout the movie. It was refreshing to see adults portrayed as such cool and relatable characters. Olive’s reminded me a lot of my parents.

I have not seen a high school movie like this in a very, very long time. Not since Mean Girls have I seen a movie so well made, so true, with such perfect humor ant it can appeal to anyone who has been to high school, will go to high school and can step beside themselves and see how ridiculous it really is. It appealed to me initially, well, for Emma Stone, but in the end this movie hooked me in because it delivered such a simple and important message, in the most entertaining way. The humor was just in the right place, the performances were not only lovable, but so, so typical of high school, just a perfect balance. I severely recommend this movie to everyone who is of age to see it. There’s a lot of homage to John Hughes, 80’s, teen-type movies that gave it a real old-school feel, but the humor and the ideas were very fresh and now. I cannot recommend this movie highly enough.

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Resident Evil: Afterlife “Maybe you just enjoy fine time pieces”

Resident Evil: After life: Rated R, Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, starring Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Wentworth Miller, and Shawn Roberts

So, seriously? Seriously? This is the fourth installment of the movie franchise based on the popular Capcom video game serious of the same. Personally, I think they should’ve stopped at zero installments, but again this is merely an opinion. This film does not really have a lot of things going for it. The acting is so-so, the story is quite predictable, and whoever was in charge of continuity was probably tipping a few back. “Oh, so now they have a boat?” “Where did that guy come from?” “So we don’t know what happened to that guy?” “Since when did he have a gun?” I thought to myself as regretted ever slipping on the 3D glasses. Oh yeah did I mention it was in 3D? Oh I should have a whole review on the very concept of 3D. Now most movies that come out were not 3D to begin with, they were made 3D as an afterthought purely to make more money and consequentially aren’t really that impressive. Resident Evil was shot entirely in 3D, so naturally you would think that the 3D would be impressive…consequentially, you’d be wrong. The three-dollar-extra dimensions really did nothing, but make you a little queasy whenever the camera panned. So clearly 3D, whether it’s intentional or not, is not worth your money. This was just one more thing that you can add to the list of things I don’t like about this movie.

Milla Jovovich is best known for…well probably for her roles in these Resident Evil movies. She mostly does Sci-Fi action movies like this, and personally I’d say she’s great for it. She never does a whole lot that’s different, but she’s pretty good at what she does. So if you like her work in other movies like the rest of the Resident Evil movies, or perhaps Ultraviolet, you will probably enjoy this. I didn’t hate her performance, but I wasn’t impressed by it either.

Ali Larter is probably best known for her role in the popular TV show Heroes. Here’s the thing with Larter; on the whole,  like her, I feel like I shouldn’t, but I can’t find anything wrong with her to dislike her, so whenever I’m watching her, I’m not expecting a lot, but I always feel like she could’ve done more. It’s a very dizzying conflict I find myself in whenever I see her. Resident Evil: Afterlife had me leaving with the same love/hate kind of feeling. She wasn’t bad, but I guess personally, I’m just waiting for Larter to do something, anything that I love so I can finally make up my mind.

So this movie was pretty slow-going and no one and nothing really was doing it for me until Wentworth Miller showed up. Miller is one of the stars of the popular show Prison Break and having seen a few episodes, I must say, he’s got talent. Now, I didn’t even realize he was in Resident Evil until I actually saw him on screen and then, I’ll admit, it got me into the movie more. And he was good, he was cool, he was important, and just a generally good supporting character. He was my favorite character.

So lastly is Shawn Roberts. I’ve got a question, who is Shawn Roberts again? He looks so familiar, but for the life of me I cannot put my finger on where I’ve seen him. Anyways, he plays the main antagonist, a very robotic and stiff kind of villain who, for some reason, turns into an agent from the Matrix at the end. He’s very two-dimensional, and only ever shows up to make things worse. You never felt his presence unless he was in the scene. He just didn’t do it for me.

So yes, I was not a fan of this movie entirely. There was one thing I really actually loved about this movie. Aesthetically, it was intense. Almost every shot looked like it could’ve been the cover of the DVD. It was a style choice that really spoke to me. The costume design was so cool and looked great. There was a lot of CGI and visual effects, but not too much, not at all. It’s how I feel I would like to shoot a movie. It looked very cool. Other than, at the end where there was very deliberate, stylistic plagiarism when Shawn Roberts’ character seemingly just stepped out of the Matrix trilogy, the visual effects were very tastefully done and well done and I think really made the movie at least bearable.

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Machete “Machete don’t text.”

Machete: Rated R, Directed by Robert Rodriguez, Starring Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Jeff Fahey, and featuring Steven Segal and Robert De Niro.

I literally have no idea where to begin with this film. This was a work or art in so many ways, it was a wild ride, it was a laugh riot, and it was a gore fest. It was incredible! Most people will remember the idea of the movie from the fake trailer that was featured in between the two movies in the GrindHouse double feature a few years back. But the trailer received such praise and gained enough of a following that they made it into an actual movie.

Robert Rodriguez is not my favorite director by any stretch of the imagination. I do have a lot of respect for his “One man crew” style, I think that is very cool, and he does have a lot of movies that I like. It’s when he gets into the Spy Kids and Shark Boy and Lave Girl stuff that he turns me off completely. I did, however love his style in this movie. He brought a very stylized tone to the movie that he’s wanted to make for so long. You can tell he had a lot of fun doing this movie.

Danny Trejo is a 66-year-old former convict-turned actor and the title character of Machete. When Robert Rodriguez first met Trejo, he was fascinated by his hardened and damaged looked and the way he acted and was determined to make him into the Mexican Jean Claude Van Dam or Steven Segal or some other legendary action star like them. Ever since he’s been in almost every one of Rodriguez’s movies and even played this Machete Character in the Spy Kids movies. I can honestly say he is now (if he wasn’t already before) a legend. Not only does he have the look, he’s got the attitude. Surprisingly the character was driven by Trejo’s performance just as much as his outward appearance. He is obviously not the strongest performer of the cast, but he is incredibly entertaining.

Jessica Alba…I have mixed feelings about her. She has done some weird films in the past, for a while her style was not really my cup of tea, but every now and again she puts out a movie that I really like and she does an excellent job. In this movie, she’s great. She was so sexy, and so aggressive, and a lot of fun to watch. It’s not anything entirely new, but it was just enough of Alba’s earlier style and just enough of something new, that she really sticks out in this movie.

Michelle Rodriguez always plays a strong female type and plays it really well, and she does it again in Machete. She’s the girl who’s not afraid of the action and who can even out-do the hero in some cases. She was so hardcore, impossibly beautiful and one of the most entertaining parts o this movie.

Jeff Fahey is not exactly a household name. I’d never heard of him before seeing Machete. He played the primary villain, with a Batman-esque voice that will either just make you uncomfortable of creep you out, maybe even both. He had this cool, collected, and confident type of character and when you see his weaker side, you’re taken off guard for a moment. He was great in this movie; very confusing, and very bad; a great villain.

Steven Segal (oh my gosh) do I even need to explain to you who he is? He’s an action legend, and he just put such a necessary color on this movie, just seeing him was enough, but this was the kind of part he was made for. He was the big baddie, the final fight; he was Machete’s only real match. His part wasn’t very big, but he played it with such ease and poise that he just made the movie so much better.

Now if you were to tell me that was going to see a movie with both Robert De Niro and Steven Segal in it, I probably wouldn’t believe you, but low and behold there they were. De Niro played a kind of part I’m not used to seeing him play, but I’m used to seeing him play characters like that, if you get what I’m saying. He was a very conservative politician with a southern accent that was not only bad to the bone, but very funny. He was another villain in this film; the twisted politician who lies to his supporters and obtains illegal money for his campaign. It was a fun part to watch and it was another incredible, overwhelming aspect of this film.

So this movie, although it’s is never touched on, is almost a parody, it’s kind of one big joke, but an extremely well-make joke. It’s like the old, 60’s-70’s splatter/action films. The men were all really over-the-top characters, the women were all impossible beautiful, all of the weapons and cars were outrageous, it was campy and wildly entertaining, and just simply epic. They even went as far as to add grain to the images, the grain can get more apparent and/or less apparent during certain scenes, particularly the scenes when Machete is about to do something cool (which is almost every time he’s on the screen). They also chose a very warm and dirty-looking pallet for the film. It looked so hot and sweaty for the whole movie and it even felt warm in the theater, just based on the images displayed. This movie was a cinematic feast for your eyes and ears just make sure your stomach can handle the blood and gore

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